Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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