I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
