That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
