do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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