I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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