So drunk its hurt
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my being single is dangerous.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
