come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
