I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
