just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
