Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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