My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
