the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
