Plan B is the new Plan A
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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