Umm I'm too high to move.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
