btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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