Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's always time for handjobs
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
