I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
