I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
