They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
