Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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