Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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