Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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