I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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