OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
