I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There's even glitter on my cock...
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