And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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