cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
