HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
