i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
