you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
