don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
