I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
