That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
