the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
