I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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