Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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