and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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