just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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