my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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