I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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