I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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