The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
