in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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