We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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