Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
