omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
