I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
