3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
