The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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