I accidentally had phone sex last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
