Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
