smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
