As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
